It’s been months. A lot has happened. We welcomed beautiful girl number two back in December. Her name is Lily but she is far from delicate. In fact, she’s quite a beast. God and I grow some healthy girls. I’m not complaining.
Up until Lily was born I connected semi-regularly with the Lord. I mean, I talk to Him throughout the day, but as far as sitting down and keeping up with my Bible study or digging into His word, I was only doing that mostly regularly.
I would take most regularly over what I’m doing now. The past eight weeks I’ve barely cracked my Bible open. I took it into Abby’s (that’s the name of my older girl) room to read her the birth of Jesus from Luke 2 and that is where it sat until yesterday. Dusty. Yes, my Bible collected dust. I took it to work with the intention of reading it. I didn’t. Even as I sit here now, I’m thinking, “I should really go read that chapter about peace in that one book and catch up on Galations for Bible study tomorrow.” And yet here I sit.
Instead of actually reading the Bible, I’m talking about reading about it. I have a go-to list of 47 things that I can do before I actually sit down with the Word. Why am I trying so hard not to spend quality time with the Lord? I’ve tasted and seen that He is good. I know that I will only truly be refreshed and my thirsty soul quenched by the living water only He can give. I mean really, why I am trying so hard to skate on by and waste this precious quiet time (and it is precious. it is a rare thing now for me to ever have time to myself)?
I think a lot of people do this. “Not now God. I’m really busy and I just need some time to myself to ‘relax.'” Me, knowing full well I will only really be relaxed and peaceful after some time with Him. “I need some ME time God. You understand don’t you? Work has been really hectic and I just want to space out and watch some L&O: SVU. ” Well, that’s great and all, really, but since when is life supposed to be about me? And yet here I sit. Me. My me time. It’s funny because I always tell Abby something along the lines of “its a good thing God wasn’t too busy for us that day” or “Jesus didn’t feel like dying for our sins, but He did anyway.” Is that bad? I don’t know, but I have a very self-absorbed 3 years and 364 days old little child. I know, I know, its apparently normal, but still. What if Jesus decided He needed some ME time two years ago when my marriage was falling apart? Or when He was knitting together my two precious children? Or when the eternal life of man hung in the balance? What then?
This is sort of spending time with the Lord, in a way. But while talking about spending time with Him and thinking about spending time with Him are nice in theory, I don’t really think they cut the mustard. Jesus didn’t just think or talk about dying on the cross now did He?
Hmph. Heavy stuff for a Monday. And poof. Just like that. Motherhood calls. Maybe next time.